what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
