he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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