you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
