Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
