youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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