Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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