I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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