just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize