quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
