Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
