After last night, I could never be a politician.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
