So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize