At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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