i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
