just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
