How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
