I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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