Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Less talking, more tequila
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
