life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
