he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
