when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
