I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
