So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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