she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
