I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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