oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
