I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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