I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
