I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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