omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
