White coat. Heels.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize