my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize