imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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