the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
