Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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