You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
