So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
