actually, I'm a sock model
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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