yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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