peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize