Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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