Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
