I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
