i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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