She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
