Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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