i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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