I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
