I wish my penis had an off switch
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
