We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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