Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
