You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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