I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I forget how to act sober
Randomize