considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
