I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
