Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
