I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
