Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
