Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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