You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
