He called his prostate his "boner button".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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