I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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