I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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