You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
