Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize