fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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