I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
