It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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