you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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