paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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