Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love having hate sex.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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