It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
