Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
