We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize